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Sid Birns

Although not in the dictionary, it is reported that "Lexophile" describes a person who loves sentences such as, "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," and "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

An annual competition is held by the 'New York Times' to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year's submissions:

  • I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

  • Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

  • This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

  • I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

  • When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

  • I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

  • A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

  • A will is a dead giveaway.

  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

  • Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

  • A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

  • He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

  • When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

  • Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

  • I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

  • Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

  • When chemists die, they barium.

  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

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